"The heart of meekness is simply harnessing the Lord's power under His control." Hayley Morgan from the book Wild and Free.
I want to share a little bit about how God is teaching me about surrendering my need to control my life. Back when we started trying to get pregnant with Calista, I didn't spend that much time with Him. I randomly prayed, sometimes read the YouVersion Bible app, and sort of walked like a Jesus follower... Key words: randomly, sometimes, sort of. We tried ovulation test strips, we tracked, we counted, we struggled. There were tears, silences, fights, and hurts. It only took us 11 months to get pregnant and I know for some that is a very SHORT amount of time. God's plan for us was to have a child, but first He wanted to draw us closer.
He used this journey of becoming pregnant to change our hearts. He removed us from our surroundings in Los Angeles and moved us back to the south where we had to form new relationships that honored Him. He led me to my first ever bible study at Johnson Ferry Baptist and have been going now for 2 years. He pruned us. He took away, so that He could give us more. I fought tooth and nail. I wanted to control this journey. I just knew if we could do all the right things our life would be perfect. I was so wrong. Only in surrendering to Him does my life make sense. Only in His hands will my life be perfect. He is strong. He is powerful. His ways are perfect and true. I will never be all of that alone, but with Him I can be. So I'm going to go on and be "meek" and surrender my control and my life to the one who knows and loves me best. I will forever be grateful to my Father who knew just what I needed and for blessing us with this little lady.