My Struggle with Obedience
I have been doing a new study on Proverbs 31, Famous in Heaven and at Home. While I'm only halfway through, this study has helped God show me some hidden, ugly corners of my heart. My struggle is always that I am not "good enough". I constantly feel like I should be doing more. I should be more. I need to be a better wife, a better mom, a better house keeper. I need to have a successful business that I run from home during nap times. I need to have a larger reach. I need to have more money. I need to, need to be, need, need, need. Nope, I need Jesus.
Yes, I have many seeds of selfish ambition. I also struggle with discontentment and wanting my way over His. I know that His plan is better than mine. I know that His promises are true. Yet, I sin. I doubt. I struggle. I question my worth.
I've been praying that God would help me see all of those nasty corners. I have learned from this study that He "placed a void in my life that can only be filled with You (Him)." Pg.90. He has blessed me in so many ways, yet I sit here and want more. Sin. Sin. Sin.
So let's get back to me not feeling "good enough". Bear with me. That's my fall back feeling, so when I keep uncovering my sin, it makes me feel justified in my "suck". I yearn to be obedient. That's why day 14 of this study rocked my world. Jesus "laid down His preference to walk in obedience to God." Pg. 113. He laid down His deity, His rights, His life, to be obedient to God. I can't be that perfect. I'm not "good enough". But guess what?!? God saw this in my heart and brought words of comfort to me today in the form of Philippians 3:8-9.
"... For his sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and I count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith..."
Jesus was obedient. Jesus was righteous. He laid down His life so that we could be made righteous THROUGH our faith in Him. I am not "good enough", but He is, and I am covered in Him. When God sees me, He sees Jesus, and I am stunned.
I pray this blesses you as much as it has me. I needed these words of truth today.
This study has blessed me tremendously. You can join me through it on Facebook, simply add me as a friend and send me a message. (Natalie Donner Eskew).
Famous In Heaven & At Home: A 31-Day Character Study of the Proverbs 31 Woman https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996400923/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_ABODxbCNWV3P2
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7/2/2016 08:04:33 pm
Thank you for your sweet words! Some days, I struggle with not seeing God's plan, but then realizing that in following Him, my story helped you a little, well it makes it all worth it. Thank you again. :)
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